Last night I was kicking a white soccer ball in my not so green front yard and my big brother Hamish was jumping on the springy trampoline. Then suddenly my brother spotted a purple flash of light, it was lightning! He shouted at me, “Kate lightning!” I jumped on to the trampoline and I saw a flash of purple. I raced inside my warm house and excitedly told my dad “I saw lightning!” Me and my dad found my little sister Emily and went back out to the yard. On the way I grabbed my dad’s iPod. I had a cunning plain. By the time we got outside the rolling thunder came along. With my dad’s iPod I took a video of the purple lightning
My little sister was scared that the lighting it would hit her,
but it didn't luckily. I felt very happy to see this exciting event. My mum watched
from inside the house because she was cooking yummy tea. Then I just heard a
huge bang, it was just the thunder but it sounded like dynamite and it made me
excited, scared and electric. After a while when I was watching TV inside it
started to hail, they were massive pieces. My Dad pushed my big brother Hamish
in to the hail, he rushed back inside. It was funny how my dad pushed Hamish
into the hail. Finally it was tea time. I rushed inside and started munching my
tasty food. I’d finished. Then I looked out the window. It had all finished.
NO!!!!!
By Kate
Self Review
What do you like about this writing?
What did you do well?What do you like about this writing?
What could you improve on?
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